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Beautiful people

20 Nov

The most beautiful people we have known have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

– Elizabeth Kubler Ros

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I swear I’m not dead

12 Nov

I know I haven’t posted in like, 2 months. I swear I’m not dead… just me and my mind are going through some tough times right now. I’m off work for 6 weeks, but will spend that time recovering. Not blogging.

Maybe some day I’ll write about it, but probably not.

The truth of the matter is that mental illness still carries way too much stigma for me to want to expose myself online.

I’ll be back when I’m better.

Thanks for understanding,

Steph

P.S You can still catch me on twitter, being my usual self. get at me! @vegan_stephanie

 

my happiness project

3 Sep

If you follow me on twitter, you might have seen a tweet referencing the fact that I’m starting my very own Happiness Project

I started the project on Sept. 1st, and will be blogging about it at least monthly, possibly weekly depending on my work schedule.

I obviously got the idea after buying Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project.

I’m going to try and explain this project, and keep it concise – so bear with me here.

You really need to get this book to fully understand what the project is about. The author was a happy person with a happy life, but felt like she wasn’t fully enjoying what really mattered. In order to turn this around, she launched a one year project in which she took various scientific studies, wisdom, and other lessons about how to be happier. She broke everything down and assigned herself monthly goals, (for example: go to sleep earlier, start a blog, etc.) that made her a happier person.

I feel as though I am a happy person. I took the Authentic Happiness Inventory Questionnaire and score a 3.4 out of 5. However, lately I can’t help but feel as though I’ve kind of had a chip on my shoulder.
I think we all sometimes let the not-so-great things in life sort of take the lead, and I’m no exception. For one, I feel lonely living in Northern Ontario. It’s beautiful, but it just isn’t “home”. There has also been some not-so-great stuff going down at work in terms of labour relations, and that has probably affected me more than almost anything else this year. I work more, and enjoy it less.

I’m feeling less like myself everyday, and I know that I am heading toward a major relapse in terms of my bulimia nervosa.

texts between a friend and I

So this is it. I start this month. (Note, I am still working away at my 101 in 1001 project as well!)

my goals for september were indeed plagiarized from Gretchen Rubin herself. The focus is improving my energy:

– Go to sleep earlier
– Exercise better
– Toss, restore, organize
– tackle a nagging task
– act more energetic

How am I doing so far?? I’m failing. But in my defense, Britton and I are away this week in Waterloo with friends, so we aren’t home to do many of those things. I’m on track for exercising, but going to bed at 2am most days…

Stay tuned!

I’ll (hopefully) do a recap at the end of the week outlining my first week on the project!

-Stephanie

you know what’s bullshit?

20 May

Taxes on feminine hygiene products.

Was listening to CBC radio (as usual) and they mentioned that an item being taxed implies that it is a luxury item.

so to the middle aged white men who run this country – eff you.

As Steven Tyler once said:

“If men bled, tampons would be free.”

(yes, Steven Tyler of Aerosmith said that. awesome)

This is a feminist issue my friends and complete and utter bullshit!

rant over.

I made a mistake.

18 Apr

I haven’t blogged in a while and I’m so not sorry.

About a month ago my grand-maman Alice was hospitalized and she passed away last sunday. If you know me at all, you know I don’t handle stress particularly well and am easily overwhelmed – so if things are going well, I feel as though I have time for cleaning, and blogging, and making myself healthy lunches and hanging out with friends. When I feel stressed, I feel overwhelmed, and sorry to say blogosphere – you’re the last on my list of shit-I-need-to-do.

I would love to write a post about how cool my grand-maman was. I’ve been blessed to have been very close with both my grandmas and loved them both very much. I even got to live with them both during my life! My Grand-maman Alice is pretty much one of the most remarkable women I have ever known – and no, I’m not just saying that because she’s my grand-maman and I’m biased. She actually was an indisputably remarkably awesome woman who was WAY advanced for her time. However, I’m still a bit too upset and things are bit too raw for me to write a post without it coming out as stupendously sappy and so cheesy it’s almost not vegan. So I will hold off on that post for a while.

Maybe it’s the stress talking right now, but I will come out and just say this. I think I made a mistake. I don’t think I should have become a nurse.

I love nursing. The job itself rules. However, I hate nursing short-staffed. Which is always.

I am still struggling to comprehend how a job so awesome can quickly become the shittiest (sometimes literally) job on the planet. Most shifts I don’t get my breaks because I have to choose between providing good nursing care to my patients or taking my lunch. If I do get a break, I can only take half of it. I never get paid for working through my breaks, never get paid for having to stay late to chart on the 20 patients who were put into isolation in one single night (Fuck you Noro Virus!) – I can never find parking, I’m not even allowed to get FREE parking for my own job, and they call me at all hours offering me over-time shifts which I feel guilty turning down. And of course there are all the other nurses who keep it together, work overtime shifts three days per week and never complain. I wish I could be one of them, but I’m not. I need 8 hours of sleep, I need time to myself, and dammit, I need to eat my effing lunch.

I also feel like it’s chipping away at parts of my personality that I like. For one thing, I am WAY less empathetic. No nurse starts her career wanting to be the bitchy one. We all want to be the best nurse our patient has ever had. The one who very rarely fucks up, and takes the extra time to give hand massages with bed baths (would you believe I actually learned this in school !?). The reality is that you will never have enough staff to pull that off. Ever. I cut corners every day. I know it’s wrong, and I feel guilty about it all the time, but the truth is that if I don’t, I will never leave on time, I will never again know what having a break feels like, and I will lose my fucking mind. They told me in school it would be like this. For some reason, it doesn’t sink in until you live it. Sure, I thought I knew what it was about after 12 weeks of preceptorship. 12 weeks is nothing. I’ve been doing it now for 9 months non-stop and I just can’t do this anymore.

This year, I’ve been sicker than I ever have in my life. I have high blood pressure (stress related), my knees are always swollen (stress related, and proof of my lack of breaks and having to stand for 8 hours without end), I’m very fatigued (stress) and I’ve gained weight (stress). Enough is enough! I need to take care of ME first.

Unfortunately, I have no clue what else i would want to do with my life.

thoughts?

the latest and not-so-greatest (warning: I totally talk about puke)

20 Feb

On Thursday night,  I was forced to live something I never wish to relive.

I was sick, and I was alone. Well, I had the cats.

Guys, maybe you don’t understand… I was vomiting – and I had to rinse out my own emesis basin! (read: barf bowl)

Westley then proceeded to take a nap in said emesis basin (Don’t judge! It was rinsed!)

I am a terrible cat owner.

I gave him a bath when I felt better the next day – but I didn’t have the energy to fight with him over the stainless steel bowl that found itself in my bed.So sue me. Emesis just doesn’t bug me very much! (good thing, since I deal with it on the regular!)

BTW, stainless steel bowls make the BEST basins. They are nice and cold, just like the porcelain throne, but they smell much better. You can get sick  from the comfort of your own bed!!! (while three cats watch – and stealthily try to sniff the product of all that wretching)

Yummmmmyyyyyyy!!!!

I promise next post won’t be so disgusting.

daily challenge

10 Dec

I joined the daily challenge today.

Thought it would be fun!!

Today’s challenge is:

Find a picture that represents one of your physical fitness goals.

Madonna ( a long time idol of mine) stretching in Vanity Fair magazine.

The details of the fitness goal specified that it’s something you hope to accomplish in the next 2-4 weeks.

I’ve been extremely stressed lately, you guys. My very dear friend Robyn pointed out how much happier I was back in the summer of 2006 (or was it 2007?) when I was practicing yoga 4 times a week. Sure, I have other fitness goals, but I often feel that stretching gets overlooked. I’m on my feet all day at work, and I come home very sore, my knees are achy, my feet hurt, and I just want to sit (thank you God for blessing me with Rheumatoid Arthritis). I think taking the time to stretch will work wonders for my energy, self-esteem, and stress (which will ultimately make me happier all around)

Have you joined the challenge?

what is your fitness goal??