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I swear I’m not dead

12 Nov

I know I haven’t posted in like, 2 months. I swear I’m not dead… just me and my mind are going through some tough times right now. I’m off work for 6 weeks, but will spend that time recovering. Not blogging.

Maybe some day I’ll write about it, but probably not.

The truth of the matter is that mental illness still carries way too much stigma for me to want to expose myself online.

I’ll be back when I’m better.

Thanks for understanding,


P.S You can still catch me on twitter, being my usual self. get at me! @vegan_stephanie



my happiness project

3 Sep

If you follow me on twitter, you might have seen a tweet referencing the fact that I’m starting my very own Happiness Project

I started the project on Sept. 1st, and will be blogging about it at least monthly, possibly weekly depending on my work schedule.

I obviously got the idea after buying Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project.

I’m going to try and explain this project, and keep it concise – so bear with me here.

You really need to get this book to fully understand what the project is about. The author was a happy person with a happy life, but felt like she wasn’t fully enjoying what really mattered. In order to turn this around, she launched a one year project in which she took various scientific studies, wisdom, and other lessons about how to be happier. She broke everything down and assigned herself monthly goals, (for example: go to sleep earlier, start a blog, etc.) that made her a happier person.

I feel as though I am a happy person. I took the Authentic Happiness Inventory Questionnaire and score a 3.4 out of 5. However, lately I can’t help but feel as though I’ve kind of had a chip on my shoulder.
I think we all sometimes let the not-so-great things in life sort of take the lead, and I’m no exception. For one, I feel lonely living in Northern Ontario. It’s beautiful, but it just isn’t “home”. There has also been some not-so-great stuff going down at work in terms of labour relations, and that has probably affected me more than almost anything else this year. I work more, and enjoy it less.

I’m feeling less like myself everyday, and I know that I am heading toward a major relapse in terms of my bulimia nervosa.

texts between a friend and I

So this is it. I start this month. (Note, I am still working away at my 101 in 1001 project as well!)

my goals for september were indeed plagiarized from Gretchen Rubin herself. The focus is improving my energy:

– Go to sleep earlier
– Exercise better
– Toss, restore, organize
– tackle a nagging task
– act more energetic

How am I doing so far?? I’m failing. But in my defense, Britton and I are away this week in Waterloo with friends, so we aren’t home to do many of those things. I’m on track for exercising, but going to bed at 2am most days…

Stay tuned!

I’ll (hopefully) do a recap at the end of the week outlining my first week on the project!


one confession

22 Jun

I am a terrible person.

I’m not just saying that.

When I was a teenager I was abused.

I have spent many a night praying for that person to die. I begged for it.

He now has cancer.

Sick thing? I know I will miss him when he goes. I will miss him very very much.

two smileys that describe your life right now

7 Nov

Good thing I’m not preggo because I’ve been downing coffee like it was going out of style. I’m sorry… did you miss my anti-caffeine blog post?? Woops.
Let me just say that my anti-caffeine blogpost can kiss my eh-ess-ess. mmmkay??

Hi Naive Stephanie of the Past – meet Working Overtime Nurse Stephanie of the Now.

Something I’ve learned about nurses on the job… If it’s caffeinated and it’s free? It could be plutonium, and we would drink it.

Ho-yeah. I don’t even LIKE coffee… but not only do I drink it now, I drink it like a CHAMP. Shitty work-vending-machine coffee that tastes like tar? Pffft! No problem! I’ll drink it black , steaming hot, and down it in 2 minutes – I will cringe, then spend the other 3 minutes lunch-break swearing about my burning esophagus and hunting down a potty so I can empty my about-to-burst bladder. Peeing has become a luxury for those who have time.

I know this isn’t a smiley (obviously) but google images tells me that there is no such thing as an “elderly smiley”or even an “old smiley”. Blarg.

I feel old these days. I discovered by first gray hair, but not on my scalp – in my eyebrow. Not only was it gray, it was twice as long as my other eyebrow hairs and coarse!! (much like the lovelies posted above.)

P.S – you should probably know that I only started drinking coffee on the 30th of October when my friend Ryan offered me a cup of his AMAZING fresh ground stuff – it was actually delicious… My talents and addictions progress quickly, I guess.


This one is for you…

15 Oct

Do one thing everyday that scares you…

Today I did something scary.

I signed up for a 200K bike ride from Toronto to Niagara Falls in the Ride to Conquer Cancer.

Though it is early in my career as a nurse, I cannot tell you how many lives I have already seen touched by this awful disease. I’ve cared for so many cancer patients (some palliative, some not) that I’ve lost count, I’ve medicated their pain, changed their colostomies, handed them emesis basins after chemo treatments and provided care to their families.

The day I received an invitation to sign up for this race, I watched a man tell his 80 yr. old wife that their only child had bone cancer.

8 months ago I lost a grandmother to cancer.

I cannot imagine how terrifying it must be to fight this disease. I do know it’s much harder and scarier than a 200K bike race.

If you are interested in making a donation, you can do so through this website.

Every dollar counts!

Three turn ons

10 Oct

1. Compassion – surprise surprise. I seriously dig compassionate guys. Are you passionate about something?? Social justice? the environment?? do you spend your entire Saturday every Saturday feeding the homeless??? That’s hot.

2. Intelligence – I love smart nerd boys. Wanna get my motor running? Tell me about some theory I don’t understand…. let me catch you reading The Fabric of the Cosmos on your free time.

3. Confidence – Not to be confused with arrogance and cockiness (word?) which are both major turn offs. Confidence is sexy. Are you a really possessive, jealous guy? Then you’re probably really insecure – and I can’t deal with that.

Four turn offs

2 Oct

1. arrogance

2. gangsta-wear

3. not being compassionate

4. bad teeth. (sorry… I just can’t handle it.)