what language is your love?

11 Jul

ha speak Québecois and jouale, not french or hanglish…

Funny story before I actually post anything interesting… It amazes me how famous Quebecois is around the world. When we were in the Dominican, I was using my french a LOT as most of the locals spoke French and Spanish. One tour guide asked if I was from France, and when I told him I was Canadian he replied with “TABARNAK!” and began laughing hysterically. hilarious.

But I digress, back to what this post is really about!

Last night I had an amazing chat with the love of my life, Jessica.

During our chat last night (which involved hours of time spent choosing baby names for hypothetical babies!) she told me about a book her mom had lent her called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

I had heard of the book before, and I knew that a lot of couples counselors were using this book with clients (impressive!).

I never picked it up before though, because I guess I sort of assumed it was for people having trouble in their marriages. WRONG!

I haven’t even read the book, and I already feel like I have a much better understanding of myself and the ways I need to be loved.

There are 5 love languages (in no particular order): words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts, and quality time.

words of affirmation: This is me.  For some people, actions don’t speak louder than words. Nothing makes me feel more loved than when my husband tells me how much he appreciates me, is proud of me, likes how I look, etc. Crazy example (and I cannot believe I am admitting this on a public blog!) : Not even a week ago, after making Britton  sour cherry cobbler all the way from scratch – I was near tears because he didn’t tell me it was delicious.  I am not joking. The fact that he ate half the cobbler in less than 5 minutes didn’t clue me in. If he didn’t say it was delicious, then it must just have been mediocre – and I was disappointed that something I worked so hard making for him as a surprise was just mediocre. It wasn’t until the next day when he said “You should make more of that cobbler, Babe! It was awesome!” that I finally felt proud of my work. On the flip side, some people I know get really uncomfortable if you compliment them too much.

physical touch: This one is pretty simple – people in this group feel most loved when they are hugged, kissed, holding hands etc. I think one of my friends (not naming names) falls under this category. She was extremely hurt once when her boyfriend left for a weekend trip with his buddies, and forgot to give her a goodbye kiss. It didn’t matter that he texted her all that weekend telling her how much he missed her. I know other people who feel smothered by too much physical affection.

acts of service: This is my dad. If you make him a cup pot of coffee in the morning – he feels loved. Women who feel most loved when their spouse does things for them (like help with chores, run errands on their behalf, etc.) My dad is not afectionate, never gives praise, doesn’t buy gifts ever (he’s all about giving cash!) but he will do things for you to let you know he loves you. For example, he built me my own room when I lived with him, and painted it pink, he paid for my wedding, he will send me home with bags and bags of groceries, the man loves to do favours for his kids.

receiving gifts: This one is pretty self explanatory. These are the people who feel most loved when they receive gifts or tokens from their spouse. I think my mother-in-law falls under this category. She is super generous and loves to shower her loved ones with gifts. Never once in 6.5 years of knowing this woman, have I gone to her home without leaving with some kind of gift. WHen she visits us, she often shows up with a SUITCASE full of stuff for us. She is “I saw this and thought of you” personified. I also know that nothing pleases her more than being presented with a gift (however simple). On our wedding day, I gave her my bridal bouquet, and she cried. You can tell she treasures each and every gift she receives. She has even laminated cards she’s received in the past!

quality time: The more I think about it, the more I think this is my husband. NOTHING makes him happier than just being with me. He loves it when I take interest in one of his many passions, or when I participate in something he loves. If he’s cooking, he likes it if I’m in the kitchen with him – even if I’m just chatting about my day. Going for a bike ride together makes him act all afectionate, and he’ll start planning the next time we can be together. He looks bummed out when I don’t want to go with him grocery shopping, even if its a ten minute trip! I don’t need to hold his hand, he doesn’t need to hear that I love him, and he never wants help with chores – he just wants to be around me, and have my undivided attention.

I think I can really use this information to improve my relationship with pretty much anyone!! Now I know that the best way to make my husband feel loved is not baking him a cherry cobbler, but by hanging out with him – or going with him to the grocery store, even if I would rather stay home and write thank-you cards. I’ve also realized that people love others the way that they want to be loved – Which is great! but when you don’t have the same love language it can be a bit tricky!

Next time I see my mother in law, I’m going to bring her a little something. And I’m going to make my dad a pot of coffee, and clean his kitchen for him.

What’s your love language??

If you can’t decide, you can click here for a short quiz that will let you know.


2 Responses to “what language is your love?”

  1. lovelaughcook July 11, 2010 at 7:14 pm #

    I think im a little of the first 2.. I need to be told that i did a good job, or that someone is proud of me. What happened with you and your cobbler, happened with me and my apple crisp..lee didnt say anything, so i felt bummed out and thought he didnt like it all that much. But i also like getting kissed, hugged, told im pretty. just because.
    I liked this blog:) thanks

  2. Carolyn July 11, 2010 at 11:32 pm #

    I’m definitely the words one! I would have the exact same reaction about the cobbler.

    Adam is probably in the physical touch category in how he interprets how people feel about him, but in how he expresses that he cares about someone, he’s definitely in the acts of service one. I definitely need to stop nagging him to communicate when he is, just not with words!

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