Being honest with myself

5 Mar

In my “about” page I wrote something about how I am always striving to improve myself and enrich my life. I think this is a true statement about myself.

However, changing a behaviour comes with having to acknowledge some pretty ugly truths sometimes! Yesterday was my very last day of placement, and while I was told that I did very well, and was well liked, my preceptor had to include areas where I needed improvement (completely fair!). As a student, I am there to be critiqued, corrected, and perfected. I am proud to say I have always received constructive criticism well from employers and teachers, and I do take it to heart and make an effort to improve. What she said was still hard to swallow, though.

Working together full-time over the past six weeks, she’s gotten to know me quite well, and she can tell when I am frustrated. She pointed out that while she knows I don’t mean to mean to appear a certain way, I have a habit of adopting a certain tone and facial expression when I’m frustrated that can come across as quite snotty (for lack of a better word). The kicker was that Britton has brought this up to me before and I assumed that he was exaggerating. Hearing it from my preceptor is forcing me to acknowledge that this is a very real problem. It’s also easy not to take it seriously within my relationship with Britton since realistically, he’s not going to end the relationship because he doesn’t appreciate my tone sometimes. However, this bad habit can have some very real, and very serious, implications for my future work environment. Britton and I had a long hard talk about it, and we both agree that there is a disconnect between how I think I’m coming across, and what I actually sound/look like.

Obviously, the first step is admitting that there is a problem, and will say that I’m proud of myself for facing some of my more negative qualities (there are more, I’m sure… but lets deal with this one step at a time, shall we?) We developed some strategies I can use to be more self-aware and I’m feeling very hopeful about the whole thing. I feel that the behavior change needs to start at home.

As women, we put so much time, effort and money into looking our best on the outside. How many of us (myself included) can honestly say we put that much effort into improving our behavior/attitude/personality?

Getting engaged has made me so much more aware of some of my faults and baggage that I need to work on improving. Of course I want to look awesome on my wedding day, what bride doesn’t? But the wedding is one day. The marriage lasts forever, and forever is a long time to spend with someone.I want to strive to be the kind of person that I would want to be married to.  I would hate to be married to the kind of guy who can’t acknowledge his faults and work to improve. Sometimes I am too hard on myself, and I do need to learn to forgive myself more, but forgiving myself does not mean that I can’t try to improve. It would be ignorant of me to say something like “Yeah, I’m snotty – but that’s who I am, and I love me, so whatever. Like it or leave it”

I like to call myself a work in progress.

Speaking of being the kind of person you would want to be married to, Britton did the cutest thing today. We were updating a few items on our registry at The Bay, when britton noticed these shiny new mannequins they had at the front. He immediately commented on ow these dolls were taller than he was, and thinner than him! He held his forearm against one of their thighs, and it was the SAME SIZE. the clothing didn’t even look right on these things. It was freaky. They were almost like aliens. For those of you who have never met my future husband, he is a skinny man. He was outraged. When we were finished with the registry updating, he very politely mentioned to the store manager how dissapointed he was with the new mannequins. “the old ones were bad enough, but this is rediculous. Do we really need anorexic runway-models in The Bay?”.

“Be the change you want to see in the world” – this describes Britton SO WELL. If he feels there should be a change in something, he won’t just sit back and bitch about it with his friends. He’s a do-er. I LOVE that about him.

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One Response to “Being honest with myself”

  1. rovisi March 5, 2010 at 11:19 pm #

    Hmmm I have never noticed this about you, but we never fight. I can kind of see it though…

    I would try to adjust the snotty thing, but there could be worse flaws… i.e. having your work ethics or professionalism slammed. That would be BAAAAAAAAAAAD

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